Clifftops.

Day 1.

The water looked so inviting, so beautiful under the glow of the moon overhead. How could something be so dangerous, so terrifyingly vicious yet so elegant in it's flow and the way in  which it caresses the cliff walls with such delicacy.

Day 2.

The world is so beautiful by night, so peaceful and comforting. The rush of people too ignorant to give you the time of day or stop to pick you up from the ground is dormant and absent at this time. The only rush that remains is the gentle breeze that drifts across the land to gently brush the earth of all it's sins and   numerous infidelities.


Day 3.

Tonight the cliffs don't seem so high, i'm thinking maybe i can do it. I could go for my eternal swim in the black depths with the fading reflection of the moon. All i need is a push, a little step, a little helping hand.

Day 4.

I probably should have gone to course today, but what's the point? This world is fucked anyway, it is on the brink of collapse. Society is on the pinnacle of it's existence, it is only downhill from here and when the pot boils it won't matter what career i have worked my mind to believe it wants to spend the rest of my life developing my skills in to further help the society push itself closer and closer to destruction.

Day 5.

Fuck the world, not tonight, this is what they want.

Day 6.

I tried to be strong when my friend asked me for help, i tried to be there for them and to give them advice on what they should do in life but i had to lie. I had to lie about it all, how could i tell them that i want it all to end myself and no longer care what happens to any of them? I'm sorry, I love them so much, i loved them so much but they are not here, they are not with me, they are only text on the black mirrors i surround myself with to keep the loneliness at bay.

I wish we were all together.

Day 7.

I wonder if she saw me? Why did i say that? I was such an idiot. Every fucking time! I'm such a dick, i should know by now to just shut the fuck up and keep to myself. Things never work out and i know all that happens is i return home afterwards all alone and reminisce about everything i said and done in it's most minute detail until i no longer wish to talk to another again. Oh well it will all be over soon, all i have to do is take that first step.

Day 8.

I achieved nothing today, no one achieved anything. All i dream of is the gentle crashing of the waves as they take me away to a better place, a peaceful place where i can be safe and alone.

Day 9.

I mix the realms of dreams and reality, i have done it for so long now that i can no longer tell the difference. Reality is nothing more than the standard path we are given to carry our betrayed carcasses  along until the day we finally realise that we all got it wrong and life was nothing but a stepping stone from our birth to our death. Then there is that day we realise that we achieved nothing in our pitiful lives, all those times we laughed at the clever kids, the vegans and the ones who chose to be alone, oh how we were wrong.

Day 10.

The dreams become more prominent, they appear everywhere in my day to day life. I write about them, i captivate them into my stories. Stories that have no resemblance to dreams find themselves are turned into complex alternating universes where the dream itself becomes the reality and reality is shattered and discarded the way in which it should be. Why write about reality when that is the one thing i wish to escape? That is not the point of story telling and the imagination. The imagination is yours and yours alone, no one can take that away from you.

Day 16.

Hello Darkness my old friend, I've come to speak with you again.

Day 25.

I know the carrier i know what i walk around on. As i float through life making no commitment to any of it i begin to realise that my mind has drifted and flows from reality to the dreams, i don't remember yesterday, i don't remember last year, i don't remember reality and why should i?

I can tell you the dreams i had as a teenager, the invisible chalk child i saw at the foot of my bed and the skeletons my friends transformed into when i was on acid. I've dreamt of witches, sex and incredible voyages and made the best friends i have ever known. Yet in reality i am alone on an island made of sand where i see nothing but the sea in between me and my escape.

The caressing waves of the beautiful sea.

Day 40.

My course is almost finished, i will no longer have any commitments to this world. I make no attempts in participating anymore, i simple arrive and leave physically and am generally absent mentally. I see the people all around me, but i see through them.

Day 48.

I wish them all dead, everyone of them.

Day 61.

It is the last day tomorrow then i am free. I do not know why i feel the need to fulfill my commitments prior to my escape. Maybe so my parents are proud of me? So that they can at least say that i achieved and finished something in life. Why can't they see it?

Day 63.

I sit on top of the white chalk cliffs that surrounds the harbour near my house. I look out at the Mediterranean ocean and if the air was clear and the sun was out i could almost see Libya if i looked hard enough. I think of the people fighting over there and feel guilty for my sadness, then i think of them raping and killing the innocents and i wish they would all be bombed in one systematic annihilation

My legs hang over the side and i look down at the sea which i have stared out at for so many days. That sea gently caressing the cliffs and reaching up for me, my only friend.

My body is unresponsive and shaking, but my mind remains clear and all i can see is the sea. The black sea with it's unknown depths and the moons reflection on the surface inviting me in with the lies of safety.

It is time to go, i can no longer live this life. Things need to change.


Day 105.

I miss the comfort in being sad.